Slut. We’ve all heard it. We’ve likely all been called it. Why? Because a slut is woman with the morals of a man. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily, but the notion behind it certainly is.
Yes, we are talking double standards here friends; so get ready because unfortunately, they are alive and well. And if I offend you, maybe you have more to consider here than you think…
PSA: I am very happily in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is understanding, communicative and 100% my rock. This double standard bs does not apply to my relationship, we are loyal and consistent, so don’t even think to start in on me. However, I am not naive and I have a lot of single friends, many of whom have been presented with a double standard more often than not when it comes to the men in their lives.
Note how I said men in the sentence prior to this. Yes, men, as in multiple males in a female’s life. Shocking? Well it shouldn’t be. While no one’s “number” should matter, the impact and insinuations effect women more. Double standards apply to a number of different scenarios, not all of them favoring women, but I am zoning in on one area. The promiscuity of having more than one sexual partner for those not in a committed relationship.
Why is it that men are praised, applauded and even glorified nine out of ten times when they are dating or hooking up with multiple women and still considered to be “single?” Whether or not it is common knowledge there are multiple partners in a man’s life, it seems to always be viewed as an achievement for him. Sure, you’re getting laid buddy, good on you. But don’t be surprised when your girl does it back and acts like a “slut” to get her own.
How would you feel knowing your Friday night has another dick appointment on Saturday? Oh you’re upset? Even though you got another girl lined up, too? See, it can’t work that way. Not anymore. It is 2018 folks, lets be progressive here.
A single woman is NOT a slut for having more than one man in her life. She’s a modern woman. Using one of my friends as a direct example here; she and this guy have been friends and chatting for quite some time now. There have been hints towards hooking up and flirting past the lines of just friendliness, but nothing has come about from it. She was recently called out for hanging out with another man; by the guy who can’t put his money where his mouth is and actually stake a claim or date her, we will call him Richard for now, just for fun. Anyway, Richard couldn’t handle my friend spending time with another guy, although he had canceled plans with her to see his ex-girlfriend again. And fully disclosed this to her. Seems odd, does it not? That he wants to control who she can spend time with but there are no repercussions for seeing other women, let alone an ex?
This just brushes the surface between them, I won’t go into extensive detail or more stories here, but men need to realize; they cannot condemn and lecture a woman for doing something when they generally do the exact same thing or worse. It’s called being a hypocrite.
Despite the common use of the word “slut,” where you won’t hear it is in relation to men. Men can’t be sluts. Sure, someone will occasionally call a guy “a dog,” but men simply aren’t judged the way women are when it comes to sexuality. And if they are, it’s in a positive way; men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts. Even now when I type the word into Google, it literally tells me “a WOMAN who has many casual sexual partners. Synonyms: promiscuous woman, prostitute, whore.” My point is, there isn’t even a word, let alone a concept, to signify a male slut.
But sadly, it makes sense when you think about the purpose of the word slut and how it is used. It’s about controlling women through shame and humiliation. Women’s bodies are always the ones that are being vied over for control – whether it’s rape, reproductive rights, or violence against women, it’s our bodies that tend to be the battleground, not men’s.
Outside of the feminist implications of sexual double standards, the slut/stud enigma is my favorite, because it really just makes no logical sense. Why is a woman less of a person, or considered “dirty,” because she has sex? Does every penis have some bizarre dirty mark-up power that I’m unaware of? Every time a woman has sex, do she lose a bit of her moral compass? Sorry to mug you, Grandma, but I had sex twice this week and its only Wednesday! Like I said, in a relationship, so all my sex is happening with the same man, but if I were single and wanted to mingle who gives a shit?!
Let’s face it, the slut stigma isn’t just dangerous to our reputations or to some off-kilter notion of purity. How many times has rape been discounted because a woman was deemed a slut? How many times are women called whores while their partners beat them? How often are women’s sexual histories used against them in workplace harassment cases? How many times will a man call a woman a slut for carrying the same sexual morals he does? The sexual double standard is a lot more dangerous than we’d like to think, and all the judgment needs to stop.
There is a quote I will leave you with, written by author Scott Lynch in the Republic of Thieves, it goes as such:
“A boy may be as disagreeable as he pleases, but when a girl refuses to crap sunshine on command, the world mutters darkly about her moods.”
Food for thought. Screw the double standards, it’s the era of a modern woman.
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